Horton Hears a Who

Allow me to preface this review with a confession: I'm a very selfish moviegoer. When I go to see a children's film, it annoys me that there are kids talking in the theater. I don't care that the movie is specifically geared towards them, and it should be expected. I like kid's movies more than they do, pay to go to the cinema more often, and don't loudly announce what's happening on screen seconds after it's happened (hey dipshit, we're all watching the same movie; it's not like your six-year-old mind can comprehend the subtle complexities of goofy CGI animals doing silly things more than we can). For all I care, those whiny little assholes can sit outside the theater and cry, just so as long as it means I can enjoy my movie in peace.

I say this to demonstrate a point: I go to see movies like Horton Hears a Who because I actually want to see the movie. I'm not a parent who feels obligated to take their child to see yet another damn movie with talking animals, nor am I some critic who is willing to rate a family film high marks because, "Eh, kid's will probably like it." When I review a movie like this, I base my critique on how much I as a moviegoer enjoyed it. So if a children's film feels purposely dumbed-down or injected with loud noises and bright colors just so it can appeal more to kids, I'm damn well gonna bitch about it.

This is where Jim Carrey comes into play. He voices Horton, or as I like to call him, that really annoying f*cking elephant. The movie was starting off so wonderfully, and then he had to show up. As much as I normally love Carrey, his loud, frantic, and oh-so-obnoxious schtick just about kills the momentum of what's otherwise a great and very respectable animated film. He's supposed to be goofy, naïve, innocent, and lovable. Instead, he shares more of resemblance to that irritating guy at your work that tries way too hard to be funny and talks to you as though you're best friends when really you just wish he'd shut the hell up and leave you alone. He's the Michael Scott of the Who-universe.

It's ironic then, that Steve Carell steals the show as the Mayor of Who-ville. Similar to Carrey, he punches up the dialogue with plenty of that comedic energy, but he's much more restrained about it. It never feels excessive, because he only does it when it suits the film. With Carrey, it's pretty much non-stop.

Other voice talents are more on par with Carell than Carrey. Carol Burnett plays the villainous Kangaroo. It's kind of amusing to watch such an evil one-note character so adamantly convince the jungle that their society is in jeopardy because Horton talks to a speck, actually to the point of trying to hunt him down, lock him up, and destroy it. This is the type of character that'd normally be a religious nut, but instead of rants about God and people being condemned to eternal hellfire, she's going psycho over an Elephant talking to something she doesn't believe is real. I suppose she's the next best thing: an atheist nut. She even hires an eagle named Vlad, voiced by Will Arnett, to take him out. Unsurprisingly, Arnett is hilarious in the role, and actually somewhat unrecognizable. Seth Rogen also shows up as Horton's friend, Morton, a mouse that says "dude."

And then there's Katie, a small yellow puffball. I'd look up who voices her, but she only has one line, and it's a stupid line at that. Her dialogue-free scenes, however, amount to some of the most randomly hilarious gags I've seen in quite some time. She's introduced as one of Horton's students along with a bunch of other child characters, the rest of whom are perfectly normally. Katie, meanwhile, crosses her eyes, unhinges her jaw, and makes bizarre "mlaaaah" noises. None of the kids laughed at this character, but I was going hysterical over her. Maybe that says something about me.

Horton Hears a Who manages to combine a Seussian sense of fun and whimsy with a more mainstream sense of having-loud-characters-run-around-frenetically. It's a clash that doesn't always work, likely due to the filmmakers' making no attempt to rein Jim Carrey in. But even though the movie's not quite Pixar-level, it's definitely better than just about anything else. It's got numerous funny moments, a good message (that anti-abortionists just had to ruin), a wonderful score, and truly excellent CGI. After The Grinch and The Cat in the Hat, it's curious why it took somebody so long to realize that animation might be the preferred way to go when making a Dr. Seuss adaptation; it's just too bad that they still haven't realized obscenely loud comedians are not.

3 out of 5